Fire In My Bones

Just recently, my lead pastor held a meeting where he gathered many of the people in the church that are strong leaders, volunteer to do a lot, or are just passionate about the church. We have these meetings every week. 

At the most recent one, the pastor posed to us a question, but he prefaced it with some comments about the state of the average member of our church. His observations were that many people walk into the building looking tired. They’re tired because they have so much going on in their lives that they just don’t have any real gas left when it comes to church. 

The pastor also observed that even the small percentage of the members who do volunteer and give tons of time and energy, even (maybe especially) they seem exhausted. Not only are they dealing with their busy lives, but they’re carving out significant time and mind share to give to the church family. 

So his question was this: “What keeps you going?” In other words, what compels you to push beyond your tiredness and keep serving? Why do you do it? 

There were many answers, ranging from things like, “I love seeing the victories, when people really change.” To, “I just make time to spend with God, and out of the overflow of that, I serve.” To, “It just needs to be done.” 

It got me thinking about what keeps me going. I know that I’m a bit different, because it’s technically my job, so it’s all I deal with. But at the same time, I made a choice to reject the life I could have had, in favor of a life of full-time ministry. With that role comes unique stresses and pressures that the average volunteer doesn’t feel, at least not as strongly. 

So what is it that keeps me going? Why am I here? Certainly I love seeing the victories. I definitely serve as an overflow of my relationship with God. And often times I see a job that just needs to get done, so I do it. But for me, and I’m not saying those other reasons are wrong, but for me the real impetus behind what I do and why I do it is this: I cannot help it. 

It brings to mind the verse in Jeremiah 20:9. It’s often quoted, because it’s such a striking image of how God works on some people. But for me, I feel it. I know it well, because I’ve tried to resist. 

But if I say, “I will not mention him 
or speak any more in his name,” 
his word is in my heart like a fire, 
a fire shut up in my bones. 
I am weary of holding it in; 
indeed, I cannot. 

I am a minister, because I have no choice.