Be Myself, Be Be Myself

I remember now one of the things I hated the most about ministry. Maybe hate is too strong a word though. One of the things that is really annoying about being in the ministry. 

This goes for everyone, not just the “Ministers” that work in the church, but for volunteers and anyone who takes on the role of “minister” to anyone in the church. 

It’s the fact that at some level, you can’t really be yourself. 

Have a beer occasionally? Better make sure a picture of you tilting one back doesn’t end up on Facebook. Same goes for anything similar: beer, pipes, cigars, wine, etc. While I don’t personally believe that these are cardinal sins, I do think that we need to be careful when and where we expose kids to the knowledge that we as adults might enjoy one or more of these things on occasion. 

But the list can go on. I worked at a church that didn’t allow me to see ‘R’ rated movies in the theater, for fear that a kid might see me walking in/out of it and think it was a prescription for them to do the same. The church also forbid me playing video games rated above “Teen” because the lowest age we worked with was 12, and we wouldn’t want them to think that they could play those games too, would we? 

As an extreme, the church also discouraged my wife (wife!) and I from public affection, because the kids might think they should do that stuff with their boyfriends and girlfriends. That was just unbelievable to me. 

But the issue remains: there are just some things you can’t do anymore, that are perfectly fine for adults to do, because of your proximity to those of a “weaker” disposition (or maybe they’re the stronger ones, who knows?). 

I struggle with myself, back and forth; why can’t I just be a blameless person? If I was truly blameless, I wouldn’t feel this constant tension between who I really am, and who I let the kids see. 

Sometimes I envy those who really can claim the freedom of Christ to live their lives according to his will, without the heavy judgement of those around them because of their “position.” 

It seems to me that the issue is not that we should all refrain from doing anything that others would consider wrong (because people have some jacked up ideas about what’s wrong and right), but that the goal is always teaching. We should endeavor to teach and lead. Help kids understand that it’s okay for a married couple to have sex, but it’s not okay for them to have sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend. 

And that’s just the point. Kids do understand that. Especially that particular thing. So I think we’re selling them short, and even damaging them, when we simply insulate them from the reality of life.

That idea of not insulating definitely isn’t safe. It would require diligent and constant dialogue between kids and mentors (parents included). That’s hard. Sometimes it’s just easier to cover our kids’ eyes (both figuratively and literally) when something happens that we don’t want to help them understand. 

There’s a proper context for everything. Note, I’m not saying that everything is permissible (though Paul seems to). I’m saying that for every experience in this life, there is a proper context for and from which it is to be understood. It is up to us, the leaders and teachers of kids, to help them understand these contexts. 

It’s not the safest way. But it’s the best way. A way for which we are all inadequate. Good thing our Helper isn’t.